When Needy People Need You
- Jamie Cooke, LPC
- Oct 1, 2024
- 6 min read
The understanding that opposites attract is something that goes beyond being a trite adage that we say endearingly toward a couple that can’t seem to go a day without bickering. In all of our relationships, we need balance to function well and emerge from life’s stormy seas intact.
Sometimes, however, our relationships can feel unbalanced and require more from one person more often to survive. If you’re like me, you tend to find the people that gravitate toward you can be…
Needy.
On one hand, we greatly value these relationships and likewise feel valued in the relationships; and at the same time, we can feel drained after giving so much of ourselves to our loved ones that need us. In an age that shouts at us to have boundaries, how do we carry on without just cutting these people out of our lives?
The beautiful thing about health and well-being is we have the responsibility and privilege to treat ourselves in ways that sustain us. We were created for community, but 100% sacrifice 100% of the time simply isn’t sustainable. Even Jesus withdrew to the quiet place to replenish his soul.
Intimate relationships are life-giving and we have to remember to get our needs met in the midst of meeting everyone else’s needs – whether physical (chores, touch, favors) or emotional (time, vulnerability, understanding).
In order to sustain our relationships, let’s talk about sustaining ourselves. A few factors are immediately available to notice and change in order to maintain these relationships. Take stock of what makes you feel full – is it groups of people at an event, is it solitude alone, is it exercise, is it a hobby?
The responsibility you have to yourself includes making sure you engage in the things that bring you rest; communicating expectations early; and only giving as much as you have in reserve to give.
Number 1: Engage in rest. To some of us, sitting in front of the TV sounds like a vacation, and to some of us it sounds like torture. There is no one-size-fits-all for rest; it is up to you to determine what replenishes your tank. My rest includes a slow morning, sipping coffee in the quiet, not changing out of my pajamas until the coffee pot is empty.
I don’t get these daily or even weekly, but it is my responsibility (and my pleasure) to ensure I schedule intentional time to enjoy a slow morning from time to time in the midst of my busy schedule. Schedule time to rest—and don’t reschedule things “just because” you think something else more important has come up. Don’t kid yourself into thinking you should be filling that time with something “productive” because the truth is, you won’t be productive if you don’t first have the energy to give.
Number 2: Communicate expectations early. Being introverted or extraverted has nothing to do with being shy or outgoing – this is a descriptor of how you feel recharged. If stealing away to a quiet moment with a book, a podcast, prayer, or any more isolated activity is what makes you feel full (introversion), be sure to get regular time doing that thing!
If entertaining groups of people or catching up with one or two intimate friends is what gives you energy (extraversion), get to prioritizing! Regardless of what you can or can’t do, be sure to evaluate what you’re willing to do. Communicate early that you expect to spend this or that amount of time on this or that activity. Communicate that you are able to listen, or help, or pitch in, or give, or give up, this or that amount of yourself and then don’t go over your limit.
Number 3: Don’t go over your limit. Your loved ones love you for you, not for how productive or sacrificial you are. Yes, your productivity or sacrifice has value and is part of you, but neither of those things is who you are. When you constantly give more than you have, you overdraw your account and it’s usually paid out at the cost of increased irritability, illness, poor concentration, and emotional instability.
So, while you may trick yourself into thinking you can give just that much more, remember there is a cost for everything. Know your limits and steward your relationships well by honoring those limits.
Many of us already know these things and don’t give ourselves permission to implement rules that will, in fact, improve how we show up to those around us. When we feel our best (or at least close to it), we think and act our best.
Know what is within your control and focus your efforts there in order to sit and be present with your loved ones. When those needy people in your life inevitably need you, you can be a step ahead by knowing your limits and communicating them early and clearly. You have permission, and the responsibility, to set this precedent in your life.
🏌️♂️🏌️♀️ A Huge Thanks to Everyone! 🏌️♂️🏌️♀️
A special shoutout to all our golfers, sponsors, and volunteers, with extra gratitude to our Presenting Sponsor—Con Carpet Tile + Design! 🌟 Your energy, generosity, and teamwork made the 8th Annual Golf Classic a massive success! 🙌⛳
Golfers, your passion was contagious! And to our sponsors and donors, you made it all possible. A heartfelt thank you to our dedicated volunteers—the magic wouldn’t happen without you! ✨
We’re thrilled to announce that together, we raised over $52,000 to advance our mission! 🌟 Your support is truly making a difference in the lives of children and families who need counseling. We’re beyond grateful to be part of such a caring community that’s bringing hope and positive change. Let’s keep the momentum going! 🤝✨
We are counting our many blessings as we consider each of you who have joined with us in our mission to offer peace to the families in our community. Thank you, to each of our partners and volunteers, for your generosity. Your support allows us to provide high-quality, affordable counseling services for individuals, children, and families. You are offering hope to a community who so desperately needs it. From the bottom of our hearts, we offer our thanks to our September partners:
Thank you, Cole Schumacher, for your support through the Heartland Bow auction. We are so grateful for the opportunity to participate in this amazing event once again.
We are grateful to Donna LeJune for your recent gift. Thank you for supporting our mission to offer counseling for those who otherwise could not afford it.
To the anonymous donor who gave through PayPal Giving Fund, we are so grateful that you thought of us. Each gift is such a blessing – THANK YOU!
A special thank you to Maywood Printing, GenPower Electric, B&H Freight Line, Epic Insurance, Steve Shipman – State Farm, Stephanie & David Schwirtz, and Pinnacle Family Advisors for your Golf Classic Sponsorships.
Thank you to Con Carpets and GenPower Electric for your Golf Classic Registrations. We are so pleased you could join us for our amazing tournament.
To each of you who purchased raffle tickets, bid on silent auction items, and participated in the golf games at our 8th Annual Golf Classic, a huge thank you for making this year’s tournament such a success! We are so grateful to the many people who contributed to this event.
To all of our faithful monthly and recurring supporters — THANK YOU from our Peace Partnership team! – Stone AMP SEO, Jeff & Lacey Cherry, Zane & Melissa Morerod, Mark McDonald, Jondy & Heather Britton, Matt & Kristy Newton, Tarae Thibeaux, Clayton & Pam Wooldridge, Mark & Cathy McGaughey, Greg & Jennifer Spears, Roger & Jennifer Madsen, Metcalf Auto Plaza, Mike & Jan McGraw, Cory & Leslie Young, Willie & Adia Valdes, Shelly Schuman, Mike & Carol Jackson, Blue Springs Christian Church, Linda Hartman, Dave & Rosie Bourland, Clean Heart Maids, Rudy & Stacy Blahnik, Mike & Tracy Pruitt, Mike & Sandra King, Dan & Gigi Rippee, Andre & Rose Fantasma, Kevin Quinn, Genesis Counseling, Scott & Lydia Hurley, Jon & Naomi Thompson, John Otradovec, Lance & Mandi Pollard, Larry Curtis, Tamara Stroud, Rick & Kathy Daulton, Aaron Linn, Joel & Ruthie Morris, Church at Coffee Creek, John & Vicki Hefner, Jenny Glasgow, Phil & Jo Rydman, Teddy Koehler, Brandon & Vanessa Blanchard, Summit Springs Church, Jason & Val Schram, and Rick & Jan Britton.
We appreciate each and every one of you!
Want to hear more about our work in the community? Contact Naomi Thompson, our Director of Development, at: 816.272.0653 or naomi@peacecounseling.org. We want to get to know you and personally thank you for supporting our mission. To make a donation through our website, please click on the link below.
Have you or someone you know been helped by Peace Partnership or Genesis Counseling? If so, would you please consider paying it forward to help another find healing along their journey? We are asking anyone who is not currently partnering with us financially to consider donating $100/year for the next 3 years to help make a difference in someone else’s life. Collectively, we can help SO MANY PEOPLE! Please consider a gift today. Call the office for help getting your gift set up or choose a recurring donation on our website here. We are so grateful for your help changing lives!
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