The Art of Being Resourceful
By: Kevin Cohan
Everyone has a game they like to play when faced with boredom. The game I like to play every now and again is “Would you Rather?” Here is one for you. Would you rather be a sinking ship or a life raft? Most people would choose the life raft. Sinking to the depths of the ocean never to be seen again doesn’t sound too pleasant. However, this is not what I experience during my counseling sessions with people. A lot of people tend to go down with the ship. How do we know when the right time is to help people? Do they even want our help? Why would they not want help? What does it look like to help people the right way? These are some of the questions we are going to answer during the rest of this article. So, buckle up! This can be difficult for some people to come to terms with.
There are so many things that can stand in the way of getting help. One of those things is chaos. This is often a learned behavior from our childhood. When you grow up in a dysfunctional home, it’s just the norm for you. You just go with what you know.
Everyone brings this baggage into their future relationships in one way or another. There is no escaping it. The reason for this is because there is comfort in the certainty that the chaos brings. I grew up with holes in most of the doors in our house. If you were angry with someone and they ran into a room and locked the door behind them, that didn’t mean that the battle was over. We took it out on the door. I mean, didn’t everyone do that? My norm was when I got angry, I took it out on whatever was in front of me at the time.
Running away from a problem and locking the door behind us keeps us from confronting the real issue. When we eventually come out it will still be waiting impatiently.
What are we really hiding from behind that locked door? Jordan Peterson, in his
book 12 Rules for Life describes chaos like this; “It’s the foreigner, the stranger, the member of another gang, the rustle in the bushes in the night-time, the monster under the bed, the hidden anger of your mother, and the sickness of your child. Chaos is the despair and horror you feel when you have been profoundly betrayed. It’s the place you end up when things fall apart; when your dreams die, your career collapses, or your marriage ends. It’s the underworld of fairytale and myth, where the dragon and the gold it guards eternally
co-exist.”
Maybe we are really afraid of letting the wrong people in. When I counsel people who struggle with lying or withholding, it has consistently been discovered that they are always trying to avoid the consequences of something, or their environment is littered with eggshells. What does this say about the person they are lying to? They can’t help because they have already shown they cannot be trusted with past information that has been shared. It’s either been used against them, or they were shamed with it.
I’ve asked this question before in a previous article, but I believe it is worth asking again: “Is it a good thing to be rejected by the wrong people?” The answer is Yes. A good follow up question to that could be, “What are they saving you from by rejecting you?” From having a bad friend, and the potential of further rejection. Mark Twain said, “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” The Book of Corinthians in the Bible puts it this way, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’” (1 Cor. 15:33, NASB). Let’s say you make it to the life raft one day. We have all heard that “misery loves company.” Those who are about to go down with the ship will drag you down with them if you are not careful.
If you let unhealthy people dictate what you do, then you will also become unhealthy.
This brings us to the next question: “When is the best time to help people?” This question is a necessary one to reflect on prior to helping others. We simply want to avoid being dragged down. If you get dragged off the life raft, how many people would you be able to help? That’s right, zero! You have just become another casualty. Something to keep in mind when trying to be there for others is sustainability. The goal should be to have the energy to continue to make a difference in the lives of others. I’m sure certain people come to mind when you think of who has drained you to within an inch of your life. They don’t want you to spread the love. They want it all for themselves.
The worst time to try to help someone is if they are being selfish and/or self-centered in this way. My boss often says, “When helping isn’t helping, stop helping!” This is why the best time to help someone is when they are already taking steps to help themselves. How else could you know if they were serious about it? People talk a big game about change, but few actually demonstrate it. Those who demonstrate their commitment to change have learned the art of being resourceful.
If you are reading this article, it may help you on the journey to becoming resourceful.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines resourcefulness as, “being capable and able to put available resources to efficient or ingenious use.” Oxford gives an even deeper meaning, which stems from the Latin word resurgere, meaning to ‘rise again.’ Are you doing the best you can with the resources you have available at this point in your life? Maybe. But if you increase your resources, then your odds of receiving more support increases as well.
Using the definition of resourcefulness above can help us determine whether or not we are utilizing this skill to the best of our abilities. The first thing that you can do is to take an inventory of your “available resources.” Then ask yourself if you are putting them to good use. To take things a step further, do you feel like you have risen again? I like to think of it as being able to rise above your circumstance or whatever difficulty is in your way.
Most of the time our options, or resources become limited when we are in desperation mode. I used to work at a Residential Treatment Facility for teenage girls. One of the questions I would ask them is, “If you were starving and happened to come across a bakery that had a fresh loaf of bread outside do you think it would be wrong to steal it?” Let’s break down the three different responses someone could have to this dilemma.
The Enabler: “Hey, I know where you can get some fresh bread. There is a bakery around the corner that always puts bread in front of their store. You can either steal it, or die from starvation. I can be your lookout.”
The Rescuer: “Hey kid, you look really hungry. I know of a bakery around the corner that sells fresh bread. Let me buy some for you. It’s the least I can do. I remember a time in my life when I was struggling and someone helped me.
The Teacher: “How long do you want to go hungry? What if I could show you a way that can keep you fed for longer than a day? I know the owner of that bakery around the corner. He is always looking for good help. Let me provide you with an introduction and see if we can get you a job. He has told me that one of the perks of working there is being able to eat fresh bread during your shift.
The enabler and the rescuer mean well, but are they really helping address the problem long-term? Without realizing it they are supporting potential bad habits such as co-dependence & narrow-minded thinking. These traits should be seen as enemies of the resourceful person. The teacher provides a clear picture of what it looks like to help someone in the right way. It’s okay to provide people with an introduction, but you can’t do the work for them. They still have to show up. Once you have learned the art of being resourceful the mission is still not over. In order to complete the mission, become the teacher!
It's just about that time of year again! On September 24th we will be hosting our 10th Annual Golf Classic. This milestone event is just around the corner, and we are making one final push to fill the remaining team spots and make this year’s tournament our biggest impact yet.
There are only a few team spots remaining! If you have been thinking about joining us, now is the time to get your team registered. One team can help provide a six-month counseling scholarship for someone waiting to begin care. Your day on the course can do so much more than create great memories. It can help change a life.
Not able to play? There are still meaningful ways to help! We are accepting donations for our raffle and silent auction, and we would love to partner with local businesses and individuals who would like to contribute. Whether you donate a product, service, experience, gift card, or other item, your generosity helps us raise additional funds to provide affordable professional counseling. Tax receipts are available for qualifying donations.
The countdown is on, and we would love to have you be part of this special 10th anniversary celebration. A few teams remain, but they won’t last long! Join us on September 24th, or donate an auction item and help us finish this incredible decade of impact strong.
As a new school year gets underway, we are excited to see our counselors heading back into the classrooms and hallways of our local schools. This year, Peace Partnership is honored to be providing counseling services in nine local schools across the Blue Springs and Independence communities. We are incredibly excited for another year of supporting students, and making sure young people have access to someone they can turn to when life gets difficult.
Our presence in these schools allows us to meet students where they are and provide support when they need it most. From navigating friendships and family challenges to managing emotions, anxiety, grief, and the many pressures that come with growing up, our counselors have the opportunity to walk alongside students during some of their most formative years.
Our "East Campus" is opening in just a couple of weeks and the best part? It’s only two doors down! This new space means more offices, more counselors, and more opportunities to get people connected with care when they need it. We’re putting the finishing touches on the space and can’t wait to officially open the doors!
Sometimes taking the first step toward counseling can feel like the hardest part. Refuge, a private Christian guidance app from Genesis Counseling, offers a place to begin. Created by Dr. Jon Thompson and informed by 23 years of clinical experience, Refuge provides Scripture-centered guidance for anxiety, marriage, stress, grief, and the questions that can be difficult to say out loud. Click the link below to start a conversation and explore your free trial.
Month after month, your generosity helps make counseling more accessible to people in our community. Your continued support helps children, adults, couples, and families find care when they need it, while also allowing Peace Partnership to keep growing and looking ahead. As we expand our space and our reach, your faithful giving helps make that growth possible. Thank you for being an important part of what we’re building together.
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From every corner of this ministry, thank you. Your generosity is the reason we can keep showing up for kids, for families, and for healing that lasts.
Do you know a friend, church leader, or business owner who wants to make a lasting difference?
We would love to meet them, with a simple introduction, over coffee, or a tour of our office. It is a chance to share more about Peace Partnership, the heart behind what we do, and how generosity can bring hope to our community.
If someone comes to mind, we would love to hear from you. Your connection could open the door for even more lives to be transformed.
Contact: Ashley Kirn
Director of Development
816.716.1847
Have you or someone you know been helped by Peace Partnership or Genesis Counseling? If so, would you consider paying it forward so another person can begin their journey?
If you are not currently partnering with us financially, we invite you to consider a recurring gift of $100 per year for the next 3 years.
Together, those gifts help us meet real needs and keep counseling accessible.
You can set up your recurring donation online, or call our office!
Thank you for helping change lives one family at a time.
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