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Writer's pictureRyan Lefler, MA

A Will for the Woeful



“You are in control of your mind; it is not the other way around.”


This is a phrase that my supervisor uttered to me early on in my journey of becoming a counselor. Ever since, it has become a staple of my own and passed on to several clients of mine. It has always been intriguing to watch everyone process the phrase in their own way. To me, it represented empowerment, making me feel like “the captain of my ship and the master of my sea”. However, I learned quickly that most others didn’t receive it this way at all—especially during difficult challenges or despairing times in their life. Early on, watching people look fearful in response to this concept would cause me to scramble. It was intended to be empowering. I believe the phrase and the emotions that followed it boil down to one word.


Control.


Control is something we, as humans, always search for but simultaneously, undoubtedly, fear.

 

There is a larger reason for our conflicting feelings around control. The control of our self is something that has been endowed to us by our Creator. You may know it by a better term, free will. Free will is a crucial part of the human experience because everybody has it! It gives us the opportunity to make choices and provides an inherent understanding of right and wrong. Free will is often a base cause for many complaints that grace my office. The frustration that spouses, bosses, and friends are not acting, thinking, believing, or saying what we want them to. When, in reality, we are truly complaining that others are exercising their will power contrary to our own desires. I think we can all relate to that feeling, but in these moments, I like to imagine how God feels in His frustrations with humanity’s free will x 8 billion!

 

The outward focus on others or our environment is a core issue that must be faced and addressed when trying to better our life. In psychology, we call this an external locus of control. This is when someone attempts to control their environment and the people around them to align with their internal thinking and beliefs in order to bring peace. The opposite is an internal locus of control, meaning one looks inward at their own thinking, beliefs, and behavior and adjusts accordingly to bring them peace within their external environment.

 

It is crucial to focus on what you can control, rather than on what you can’t. While looking at our environment is often necessary for understanding things completely outside of our control, we must also remember and prioritize maintaining focus on what we can control—our own personal free will and how we respond to life’s challenges. So, what does seizing control look like?


It doesn’t actually have to be so difficult.


The first step is simply acknowledging and accepting that you are in control. Even when things don’t go the way you want them to, you still remain in control of your responses.

 

The second step is to begin practicing intentionality. In this context, the word intentional means the same thing as will power. Our lives are full of patterns and our brains are comfortable with patterns. Because of this, we are actively fighting against the brain's natural urge to simplify everything and work as minimally as possible. Also, because of this, it’s more than likely you have fallen into a pattern you wish to not be in, perhaps even following an external locus of control without even realizing it. The way to break undesired patterns is by exercising free will in decision making and bolstering these decisions with intentional actions.

 

For example, one may complain that their life is getting boring and they are living in the same monotonous loop over and over; falling into the fallacy that things around them need to change as opposed to them changing their own path. One could easily make the intentional decisions to take a different route to work, get gas or groceries somewhere else, or even call a friend or family member you haven’t spoken with in a while. Drawing attention to these simple choices hopefully highlights that you really are in control of the choices you make at every level. Exercising our free will is a skill. It is our true ability to fight against the mind’s urge to settle for comfort and “good enough”.

 

Understanding that you are in control of every decision you make is an important first step toward personal maturity. It is easy to let the world and all its challenges happen to you, but if you are seeking change in your life, I challenge you to seize control of your decisions and be the change you want. We criticize the victim mentality as a society quite often and this is where it begins. There will always be suffering in the world, but we are not victims to this world unless we allow it. Instead of letting the world happen to you, happen to it.

 


 

🎅 Peace Partnership is excited to announce our 5th Annual Christmas Raffle, kicking off NEXT TUESDAY! 🎁🎄


Get ready for a chance to win some amazing prizes, including, 🏈 CHIEFS TICKETS, 💵 $1,000 CASH, 💎 JEWELRY, 🔥 BLACKSTONE GRIDDLE, and a 🛋️ $500 NEBRASKA FURNITURE MART GIFT CARD—PLUS SO MUCH MORE!!!


🎟️ Starting on Tuesday, November 5th, raffle tickets will be available for purchase. While you’re out voting, you can check out our prize list, grab your tickets, and spread the word to friends and family! 📣 


💝 Every ticket purchased supports our mission to provide free and affordable counseling to families in need.


🗓️ Mark your calendars for the live drawing on Tuesday, December 17th, and stay tuned to your inbox and our social media for the official roll-out. Don’t miss out on these 15 fantastic prizes! 🏆


Don’t forget to check out last’s year’s amazing prizes and winners in our Facebook photo album! 📸



 

Thank you just doesn’t fully express our gratitude! We are overwhelmed with the support of everyone who has partnered with us in so many ways to make our mission possible. A special word of thanks to each of our October partners:


  • Thank you, Del & Julie Cook and the entire team at Especially Jewelry, for your heart for others. It is evident in everything you do and we count it such a blessing to work alongside you to make a difference in the lives of our clients.


  • Andre Fantasma, we are grateful for your help to bring awareness to our mission and raise funds through your Facebook Birthday fundraiser. Every gift is vital to provide peace and healing to our community. Happy Birthday!


  • We are so blessed by you, Jay & Ronnee Schweizer, and your continued support. Thank you for partnering with us to help the children and families we serve.


  • A special thank you to Children’s Services Fund of Jackson County for joining us in this new school year! We are so excited to continue to build relationships with the students in the Blue Springs and Independence School Districts.


  • To the team at EPR Properties, thank you for all the ways you are taking part in our mission - your golf teams and volunteers, and the matching gifts given on behalf of your employees. We are grateful to be the recipients of your culture of generosity!


  • Thank you to Joe & Shannon Reynolds for your extra gift to our golf tournament. You continue to go above and beyond to help us grow our impact.


To all of our faithful monthly and recurring supporters — THANK YOU from our Peace Partnership team! – Stone AMP SEO, Jeff & Lacey Cherry, Zane & Melissa Morerod, Mark McDonald, Jondy & Heather Britton, Matt & Kristy Newton, Mark & Cathy McGaughey, Greg & Jennifer Spears, Roger & Jennifer Madsen, Metcalf Auto Plaza, Mike & Jan McGraw, Willie & Adia Valdes, Shelly Schuman, Mike & Carol Jackson, Blue Springs Christian Church, Linda Hartman, Dave & Rosie Bourland, Clean Heart Maids, Rudy & Stacy Blahnik, Mike & Tracy Pruitt, Mike & Sandra King, Clayton & Pam Wooldridge, Dan & Gigi Rippee, Andre & Rose Fantasma, Kevin Quinn, Genesis Counseling, Scott & Lydia Hurley, Jon & Naomi Thompson, John Otradovec, Lance & Mandi Pollard, Larry Curtis, Tamara Stroud, Rick & Kathy Daulton, Aaron Linn, Joel & Ruthie Morris, Church at Coffee Creek, John & Vicki Hefner, Jenny Glasgow, Phil & Jo Rydman, Teddy Koehler, Brandon & Vanessa Blanchard, Summit Springs Church, Jason & Val Schram, and Rick & Jan Britton.


We appreciate each and every one of you!


Would you like to hear more about our work in the community? Contact Naomi Thompson, our Director of Development, at: 816.272.0653 or naomi@peacecounseling.org. We want to get to know you and personally thank you for supporting our mission. To make a donation through our website, please click on the link below.




 


Have you or someone you know been helped by Peace Partnership or Genesis Counseling? If so, would you please consider paying it forward to help another find healing along their journey? We are asking anyone who is not currently partnering with us financially to consider donating $100/year for the next 3 years to help make a difference in someone else’s life. Collectively, we can help SO MANY PEOPLE! Please consider a gift today. Call the office for help getting your gift set up or choose a recurring donation on our website here. We are so grateful for your help changing lives!


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