Fight, Flight, ANXIETY
- Ryan Lefler, LPC
- 4 days ago
- 8 min read
By Ryan Lefler, LPC
At one point or another you have likely heard the phrase fight or flight. These are the widely accepted responses to stressful situations or triggers we have as emotional and reactionary human beings. Fighting indicates that you will engage in the situation with the direct intentions of protecting yourself and stopping the conflict all together. Flight, or running away, is just that, you will do everything in your power to get away from the situation by any means necessary as a different means of protection. The problem I see often is that these responses are typically only tied to direct and tangible threats such as facing a wild animal, something catching fire, or a natural disaster. However, what happens when our brains are unable to decipher an accurate stressful situation. For example, how many of you, and be honest, would jump through the ceiling if a mouse ran through your feet or a spider across your desk? While I'm sure the answer is many of you, the bigger question is why? Our minds are always trying to protect us and decide what is threatening. While sure some spiders pose a threat and your brain doesn’t immediately know what is moving quickly around your feet, our brains are actually misidentifying what is threatening to us in these moments. It takes thinking, processing, and understanding to calm us while convincing our own minds it misidentified a threat.
Fight or flight is a common and default reaction to have, however our brains triggering the response is often where the problems can occur. There are three categories I often walk clients through to help this make sense. First, an actual threat. If you find yourself staring down a charging black bear you will have no quarrel with me when your brain shifts you into fight or flight. Second, a perceived threat. Like the mouse or spider your brain goes into defense before thinking things through and processing the level of threat. Lastly, a nonexistent threat. This threat only exists in the imagination of our minds and is very dangerous to people's psychology. Our minds will treat the imaginary threat as real because it doesn’t know the difference, but the issue lies with getting out of the fight or flight response when our brain has no reality to check against the threat. I compare this to the childhood boogeyman. A child’s imagination convinces them there is a boogeyman or a threat in their closet. Their brain will then shift into fight or, more often, flight by hiding under the covers even though the threat is not real. It is not until mom and dad open the closet door showing the young mind that there is no threat and assisting it in coming down from its stress response. Here's the kicker, we didn't actually lose our imaginations as adults, they just became more specific and more parallel to actual reality. Social anxiety, feeling like everyone else is judging you, and perfectionism stems from this imagination. Reality does not prove these ideas as threatening or things to be wary of. Instead, the anxiety that comes from these really is just failed threat assessment from our own mind fueled by our adult imaginations. It is not until you fight against your automatic response and provide reasoning and assessment to your mind that it will understand the anxiety or threat is not real.
The final caveat to discuss is that sometimes a real threat can morph into a nonexistent threat. In a counseling setting, these are the most common conversations that hold substantial weight for change in clients. A mother who suddenly loses their husband forced to raise children while providing, abusive relationships or sexual assault, while these are scenarios I have personally worked with, any trauma or life altering scenario can snap you into fight or flight. What happens when the threat is not a 10 minute encounter but a life changing event? This will likely generate a prolonged stress response. To step into a metaphor with me, let’s view a traumatic event as a bear that is beginning to chase you, and the response is flight, you run for 5 or even 10 years trying to avoid being destroyed by the bear or trauma that occurred. Every decision you make is for pure survival and endurance. In a very particular case a middle aged woman had lost her husband and desperately went into survival mode. Over the next 15 years she remarried, her kids were happy and healthy and she made a very good living. She no longer needed to run. Yet, she lived every second in distress and anxiety. I explained to her the metaphor of the bear and her flight response then uttered one follow up question. Have you ever turned around to see if the bear is still chasing you? I watched something in her unfold as tears poured out. She began her flight because a real threat was presented to her and survival was necessary and somewhere along the journey the threat became nonexistent but her reaction never changed over the course of 15 long and exhausting years. The relief only came when she paused and finally turned back around.
Understanding your stress response by itself is a significant tool to help battle anxiety and avoid our brain’s automatic processes especially when they’re wrong. Maybe the stress is real and fight or flight is useful, maybe it's not and we just need to breathe and think about how we should respond and maybe you're tricking yourself into thinking you're in danger but really it's just the boogeyman in your closet. Is there a time in your life where you were forced to fight or flight? Did it shift how you perceive and respond to things? Did you start fighting back or running away with all your might? Did you ever turn around and see if the bear is still chasing you?
We are welcoming March with full hearts! We’re truly so excited about the growth we’re seeing, because it means more people are reaching out, taking brave first steps, and getting the help they need. We don’t take your partnership for granted.
Thank you for the steady way you help keep our mission growing and moving forward. One session, one story, one family at a time you are making a difference in our community.
Your team registration is more than a spot on the course, it helps fund a counseling scholarship, covering multiple sessions and removing the cost barrier for someone who truly needs support.
Early registrations matter. When teams sign up now, it helps us finalize key details, build a strong field, and maximize what we can raise, so someone doesn’t have to put off getting help because of cost.
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Registration Includes:
breakfast + lunch, 100 clays per shooter, team cart, prizes, swag bag, and 1 raffle ticket per shooter
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Additional raffle tickets:
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A sincere thank you to our current sponsors.
Your support is making this tournament possible and expanding access to counseling in our community. We’re grateful for your leadership and proud to partner with businesses that care deeply about local families.
If your business has been considering joining us, we’d love to welcome you in. Sponsorship is a powerful way to show up for our community, bringing people together for a great day while helping remove barriers to counseling for kids, teens, adults, and families who need support. You’ll also gain strong visibility with an engaged, local audience.
Questions or sponsorship help: Ashley • ashley@peacecounseling.org • 816.716.1847
A huge thank you to Jackson County, Missouri for making this ARPA grant possible for Peace Partnership.
Ashley, Naomi, and Anne were grateful to accept this $20,000 grant, which will help us expand access to affordable counseling across our community.
Together, we’re closing the gap.
One of Dr. Jon Thompson’s passions is speaking and encouraging families and individuals, and he’s truly grateful for every invitation.
This year has already started with a few meaningful engagements with more to come! Here’s a highlight from One Community Church’s Family Values Night in Rogersville last month.
This expansion is no longer just an idea, it’s happening! We’re in the final stages behind the scenes, and we can’t wait to share more soon!
Real progress is underway, and your support is a big reason why. Every step forward helps us create more counseling hours, strengthen availability, and get families the care they’re ready for—sooner.
Thank you for helping us build what our community needs. We’re truly grateful.
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This month, we’re feeling super lucky for one simple reason: we get to do this work with people like you.
Your monthly support is the steady foundation that helps keep our mission growing, keeps counseling affordable and accessible, and helps more individuals and families take their next step toward healing.
Thank you for showing up month after month and being a faithful part of this mission.
Rudy & Stacy Blahnik, Brandon & Vanessa Blanchard, The Giving Branch, Jondy & Heather Britton, Dave & Rosie Bourland, Blue Springs Christian Church, Genesis Counseling, Children’s Services Fund of Jackson County, Church at Coffee Creek, Rick & Kathy Daulton, ECA, Andre & Rose Fantasma, Jeremiah 924 Foundation, John & Vicki Hefner, Michael & Julie Hirons, Lydia Hurley, Denise Israel, Mike & Carol Jackson, Aaron Linn, Roger & Jennifer Madsen, Charles & Arletta McCrary, Mark McDonald, Mark & Cathy McGaughey, Mike & Jan McGraw, Lee & Debbie Miller, Jackson County Missouri, Zane & Melissa Morerod, Joel & Ruthie Morris, Matt & Kristy Newton, John Otradovec, Lance & Mandi Pollard, EPR Properties, Mike & Tracy Pruitt, Timothy & Lori Raveill, Dan & Gigi Rippee, Phil & Jo Rydman, Jason & Val Schram, Shelly Schuman, Stone Amp SEO, Greg & Jennifer Spears, Tamara Stroud, Jon & Naomi Thompson, Willie & Adia Valdes, Jenny Wrobleski, Christy Yager
From every corner of this ministry, thank you. Your generosity is the reason we can keep showing up for kids, for families, and for healing that lasts.
We’d love to schedule a time to share more about Peace Partnership and the heart behind what we do. You’re welcome to visit our office for a quick tour, and we’ll make you a fresh pour-over coffee while you’re here. Or we’d love to treat you to coffee at a local coffee shop and connect that way.
Most of all, thank you for supporting our mission and for being open to learning more.
For more information or to schedule a time, contact:
Ashley Kirn,
Director of Development
816.716.1847
Have you or someone you know been helped by Peace Partnership or Genesis Counseling? If so, would you consider paying it forward so another person can begin their journey?
If you are not currently partnering with us financially, we invite you to consider a recurring gift of $100 per year for the next 3 years.
Together, those gifts help us meet real needs and keep counseling accessible.
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Thank you for helping change lives one family at a time.
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