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"Narcissist" Overload

Jamie White, MA


Isn’t it interesting that seemingly everyone’s ex is a “narcissist”? Can there really be that many people in the world with Narcissistic Personality Disorder? With the rise of mental health awareness, many of us see descriptors of personality or behavior and begin to assume those in our lives who fall outside of norms are disordered. Whether you are a helping professional, or are a friend to someone claiming to be a victim of Narcissism, it can be difficult to continue to hear these self-diagnosed terms thrown around so loosely; in fact, it can lead many of us to write off the pain of those in our lives and inhibit our ability to support where we can. I propose we view this trend through a new lens where the assignment of “narcissist” can be used to help the hurting heal. 


What is a Narcissist?


First of all, let’s talk about pathological narcissism. Someone who meets criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder goes beyond your typical selfish, emotionally stunted, and ineffective adult. Pathological narcissism includes a preoccupation with self, a pervasive sense of entitlement and grandiosity, and the false view that this is their world and we’re all just living in it. These types are so focused on their own goals that they will do whatever it takes to achieve them - including exploiting, denigrating, or flattering others. A pathological narcissist is one of the closest, though not singular, pictures of evil – beyond your run-of-the-mill emotionally immature (and certainly insufferable!) adult that only knows how to take from others.


There are many frustrating and self-absorbed people in the world, but that doesn’t mean they’re “a narcissist.” In a world that wants to assign labels of disorder to everything, let’s instead understand this label as a descriptor. When your friend or loved one throws this word around, let’s use this as a strength! This means your loved one is on the path to recognizing the flaws in their former relationship are NOT entirely their fault! 


(While men and women can both be self-absorbed and in relationships with self-absorbed people, for the purposes of this article I will assign the self-absorbed as “he” and the aggrieved as “she.”)


Grieving the Loss of a False Reality


It won’t feel good to hear that the relationship was never going to work. Your loved one will go through stages of racking her brain to find how she could have changed the outcome, what she did wrong, why she wasn’t good enough. The truth is a harsh one: if someone behaves in a way to warrant the description of “narcissistic”, chances of change are slim to none. Your loved one cannot have it both ways – she cannot both be at fault for not being good enough, and also describe the ex as a “narcissist”. She must let go of what she could never control. She must let go of the fantasy that he would have changed for her, for the kids, or for anything else. Letting go of the potential happily-ever-after is truly the hardest part. If he warrants the descriptor of “narcissist”, it was never about her anyway.


Now What?


The stages of grief are listed as though they are linear, but one moves through them with no predictable pattern or speed. Allow your loved one to experience denial, anger, bargaining, and depression in real time (and sometimes two stages at once) and encourage her to care for herself the way she would her sister or best friend. Not until we honor the current stage can we progress forward into healing. Recognizing each stage is justified, and becoming surrounded by those supportive will allow her to finally...FINALLY...let go and move into the final stage of grief:


Acceptance. 


Only after she accepts how and why she allowed such behavior to go unchecked in the relationship will she begin to forgive herself and ultimately heal from being subjected to a partner that only knows how to take. As a woman having gone through this myself, seeing my part in an unhealthy and unfair relationship allowed me to drop the trigger-word “narcissist", take accountability for allowing his poor behavior to continue, and see this selfish ex-boyfriend as a broken man whom I could not heal with my love; a fantasy held by many women. 


There is no amount of love given by another person that can compare to the fullness of living in forgiveness.



 



Exciting News!


Mark your calendars! On May 17th, 2025, we’re bringing back our Sporting Clay Tournament at Powder Creek Shooting Park in Lenexa, Kansas.  🎯 This exciting event directly benefits Peace Partnership, helping us provide critical mental health services to our community.


Secure your sponsorship or team spot today to make a lasting impact!!





 

As we embrace February—a month dedicated to love and connection—we are reminded of the incredible generosity and kindness of those who support our mission. The example of love displayed to us by our Creator compels each of us to share with others through acts of giving, compassion, and care. Your support allows us to offer hope to families in need. We are deeply grateful for each of our January partners:


  • With heartfelt appreciation, we thank Mike & Jan McGraw for your annual gift. Your generosity, friendship, and unwavering support continue to uplift our mission and touch the lives of so many.


  • A sincere thank-you to Jason & Val Schram for your year-end gift. Your kindness ensures that children in need receive the care and support they deserve. Your generosity is truly a blessing


  • To the Boyle's Famous Corned Beef team, our deepest gratitude for your continued support of our Golf Tournament. Your dedication over the past eight years has helped us make a lasting impact, and we are honored to have you as part of this journey.


To all of our faithful monthly and recurring supporters — THANK YOU from our Peace Partnership team! – Stone AMP SEO, Jeff & Lacey Cherry, Zane & Melissa Morerod, Mark McDonald, Jondy & Heather Britton, Matt & Kristy Newton, Mark & Cathy McGaughey, Greg & Jennifer Spears, Roger & Jennifer Madsen, Metcalf Auto Plaza, Mike & Jan McGraw, Willie & Adia Valdes, Shelly Schuman, Mike & Carol Jackson, Blue Springs Christian Church, Linda Hartman, Dave & Rosie Bourland, Clean Heart Maids, Rudy & Stacy Blahnik, Mike & Tracy Pruitt, Mike & Sandra King, Clayton & Pam Wooldridge, Dan & Gigi Rippee, Andre & Rose Fantasma, Kevin Quinn, Genesis Counseling, Scott & Lydia Hurley, Jon & Naomi Thompson, John Otradovec, Lance & Mandi Pollard, Larry Curtis, Tamara Stroud, Rick & Kathy Daulton, Aaron Linn, Joel & Ruthie Morris, Church at Coffee Creek, John & Vicki Hefner, Jenny Glasgow, Denise Israel, Phil & Jo Rydman, Teddy Koehler, Brandon & Vanessa Blanchard, Summit Springs Church, Jason & Val Schram, and Rick & Jan Britton.


Love is at the heart of everything we do, and because of you, we can continue bringing hope and healing to those who need it most. Thank you for being a part of our mission. We appreciate each and every one of you!


Would you like to tour our office or grab a coffee or meal together to hear more about our work in the community? Contact Naomi Thompson, our Director of Development, at: 816.272.0653 or naomi@peacecounseling.org. We want to get to know you and personally thank you for supporting our mission. To make a donation through our website, please click on the link below.




 


Have you or someone you know been helped by Peace Partnership or Genesis Counseling? If so, would you please consider paying it forward to help another find healing along their journey? We are asking anyone who is not currently partnering with us financially to consider donating $100/year for the next 3 years to help make a difference in someone else’s life. Collectively, we can help SO MANY PEOPLE! Please consider a gift today. Call the office for help getting your gift set up or choose a recurring donation on our website here. We are so grateful for your help changing lives!


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