Finding Confidence In an Uncertain World
- Jamie Cooke, LPC-S
- May 29
- 7 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
By: Jamie Cooke
There’s lots of talk about anxiety these days. What does this cryptic word even mean when it’s used to encompass anything we find uncomfortable? In my counseling office, I challenge clients to get more specific when they express they feel “anxious.” Generally speaking, there are feelings of uncertainty, unsettledness, ambiguity; but feelings of anxiety can also be brought on by the experience of guilt, shame, and helplessness. Growing up and into my early adulthood, I never thought I experienced anxiety because I didn’t sit around wringing my hands and worrying. I thought I was so chill... Until I realized there’s more to this than just wringing your hands. With education and a little life experience, I came to understand that any tension I felt when attempting to ensure a certain outcome or chain of events (while actually having approximately zero control of this outcome) was, in fact, anxiety!
No, I didn't live in my fear thoughts and think the sky was falling - although many people do - but I spent all my mental and emotional energy just willing the “right outcome” into existence with, realistically, very little influence.
I’m here to speak to the ones like me, who don’t necessarily live in fear and wrestle with catastrophic thinking
all the time; but rather, those who internally work very hard to make sure they’ve explained themselves the right way so as to be understood and prevent conflict. Those who make and review plan after plan so a detail doesn’t fall through the cracks and show up later as a surprise. Those who believe that you can guarantee the desired response if you just work hard enough and go over it enough times in your mind beforehand. What I’ve described is the attempt to control the pieces of life around you that simply are not within your control. This concept is repulsive to those who cannot tolerate uncertainty - oftentimes because they actually lack the confidence in themselves to handle life, come what may.
Usually any talk about control is associated with “control issues” in a negative or malicious way. While someone with “control issues” can be overbearing to be around and work with, if we all start to understand the insecurity behind the control issues, we can gain a little ground in rectifying the real problem.
Let’s start with the hardest part: admitting you cannot guarantee the particular outcome you desire when other people are involved. The other people are called variables, which means by nature they are unpredictable to some degree based on circumstances, mood, or other information that you may not have. In order to maintain sanity, we must live in reality. The truth of reality is that we only have full governance over ourselves. The alternative is to live pretending that we have more influence than we do, and subsequently going crazy when our efforts do not pan out the way we think they should. That’ll be a no from me.
Once you recognize that things may not go how you hope, you can shift your energy (thoughts, efforts, emotional expenditure) toward engaging in the process with integrity, regardless of outcome. Most people forget the process in order to focus on that not-completely-within-our-control outcome.
When we instead focus on the path rather than the destination, we walk that path more carefully, with more presence, and can derive more joy than when we’re constantly looking ahead and judging our success based on how close we come to that destination. In other words, we can all agree that life isn’t fair. So when life is unfair to us, will we look back and chalk it up to personal failure, or will we look back and recognize we operated with integrity and trust our own ability to pivot when life inevitably doesn’t give us what we hope for?
The best way I understand confidence is the ability to trust myself no matter what is thrown my way. That doesn’t mean I’ll handle it flawlessly, but I know I’ll handle it. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations we’ve never encountered before, so we don’t know what to do - welcome to being human! My trust is not only in my experience, but also in the traits and qualities I possess to help me navigate life’s sometimes harsh realities. For example, if I know that I have someone wise I can consult, perseverance to outlast hardship, and discipline to get me through each day, then I already have a foundation for giving myself support and stability when facing new challenges. If I know I’ve already survived what I consider to be the worst time in my life, then by comparison
I know nothing else will break me if I don’t allow it to. I know I have a say in how I choose to interpret threat, pain, and hardship; so I practice my personal power over my mind and my actions because that is all I can truly control. Efforts to control others are often wasted.
I challenge you, reader, to identify your attributes that have gotten you through tough times in the past. When you look at the strengths you possess instead of the weaknesses you’re working on, you set yourself up to be more resilient and empowered from the start. Gratitude goes a long way and expressing it to those who have helped you develop these qualities gives you strength in numbers when you’re processing uncertainty and ambiguity. Don’t default to the mindset that you’re “just an anxious person.” Take charge of your own mindset and perspective, allow your support system to show up for you, and make every decision based on what’s right in the long run. Sometimes two or three options feel “right” and it’s difficult to pick a path. When you’re faced with several choices that are equally bad or equally good, weigh the consequences of being a person that chooses each path. Anxiety does not have to be invited to reside with you. Allow it to signal that something is important to you and then choose to confront it with wisdom, grace, and resolve.
After all, feelings are just signals; they’re not the one in the driver’s seat.
As summer begins, we are thinking about the people who continue to make this work possible.
Many of you are heading into a season filled with travel, family time, ballgames, lake days, work, and full calendars. Wherever this summer finds you, please know how grateful we are for the way you continue to remember and support Peace Partnership.
Because of your generosity, this has already been a meaningful season. Our Sporting Clay Tournament is now behind us, construction is beginning on our expanded space, and planning is already underway for our 10th Annual Golf Classic this fall.
This month marks an exciting next step as the additional space we secured begins to take shape. What was once being prayed over and planned quietly is now becoming real.
SPORTING CLAY RECAP!
From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!
This year’s Sporting Clay Tournament was such a meaningful day, and we are still feeling incredibly grateful for the way people showed up. Sponsors, donors, volunteers, raffle contributors, shooters, and friends all came together to make this event our biggest year yet.
We are especially thankful to iPlumbKC, our presenting sponsor, for continuing to stand behind this event and this mission year after year.
Thank you to Matthews Catering for providing the hot breakfast, Chick-fil-A for the breakfast sandwiches, treats, lemonade, and tea, and to Zarda BBQ for once again serving lunch and helping make the day so memorable. Lastly Ryan with Ervsflics for capturing the day so well for us!
Because of your generosity and support, we raised $17,300 for Peace Partnership. This means more opportunities for people in our community to receive affordable counseling, support, and care.
1ST PLACE
Clays Collaboration
Tom Barbee
Kevin Brooks
John Coenelis
Sam Mayhew
2ND PLACE
Simmons Gun Repair
Noah Lucero
Peter Major
Ken L
Cameron B.
HIGHEST SHOOTER
Kevin Brooks with Team Clay's Collaboration!
Monthly supporters hold a special place in this mission.
Your steady generosity gives Peace Partnership something we never take for granted: the ability to plan ahead, remain present, and continue saying yes to care when people reach out for help.
While events and campaigns often receive the spotlight, monthly giving provides quiet strength behind the scenes. It helps keep counseling affordable, supports the daily work happening in our offices and schools, and reminds us that this mission is not being carried alone.
Thank you for your faithful support. Your consistency is making a lasting difference.
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From every corner of this ministry, thank you. Your generosity is the reason we can keep showing up for kids, for families, and for healing that lasts.
Do you know a friend, church leader, or business owner who wants to make a lasting difference?
We would love to meet them, with a simple introduction, over coffee, or a tour of our office. It is a chance to share more about Peace Partnership, the heart behind what we do, and how generosity can bring hope to our community.
If someone comes to mind, we would love to hear from you. Your connection could open the door for even more lives to be transformed.
Contact: Ashley Kirn
Director of Development
816.716.1847
Have you or someone you know been helped by Peace Partnership or Genesis Counseling? If so, would you consider paying it forward so another person can begin their journey?
If you are not currently partnering with us financially, we invite you to consider a recurring gift of $100 per year for the next 3 years.
Together, those gifts help us meet real needs and keep counseling accessible.
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Thank you for helping change lives one family at a time.
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